Artemis plus Painkillers equals Bad!
by Amy Shadows
Summary: A very short and slightly humorous fanfic about what happens when Artemis gets sick and takes a whole bottle of painkillers. PLEASE REVIEW, no flames! And, I realize this is very OOC for Artemis at the end, but that is the point of the fic!
1. The Mushroom People

Please read and review, but no flames.

I don't own Artemis Fowl or Backstreet Boys. I hope you all like this, and yes, I do realize how stupid and unlikely it is. I based it off this hilarious episode of the Simpsons (which I don't own either.)

"For the last time, Butler, I am not sick!" Said the obviously sick Artemis Fowl. "And will someone please turn off that strobe light!?!"  
  
Butler looked around the room in search of the strobe light that Artemis was talking about. There wasn't even one in the room, much less one that was turned on. Butler turned back to the pouting boy (who happened to be blinking rather quickly) and noticed he was beginning to look more like a five year old than a fifteen year old.  
  
"Master Artemis, just take the day off and rest for a little while. You deserve it." Butler said, trying to stay on Artemis' good side.  
  
"I wasn't named the greatest evil mastermind by resting. I have a very busy schedule and I intend to keep it." Artemis said as he tried to get up from the bed. It was almost humorous to watch, the boy kept wobbling (for lack of a better word) until he fell back onto the bed. "Okay, maybe I'll rest for a little while."  
  
Butler sighed and rolled his eyes. That boy was so stubborn. "Take a pain killer and get some rest. You're rambling again."  
  
Artemis glared at the bodyguard and grabbed the painkiller bottle. Butler turned the light to the room off and closed the door. This was going to be a long day.  
  
Three Hours Later…  
  
Juliet came walking to Artemis' bedroom with a tray of hot soup and water. It wasn't what the boy had ordered; Butler had forbidden her from making the filet mignone and scallops. ("Those are not items for a sick person to eat!")  
  
Juliet leaned into the bedroom door and took a step back. Her Backstreet Boy CD was playing on full blast and there was a large amount of cold air blowing under the door. Juliet hesitantly opened the door and was shocked at what she saw.  
  
All of the items that had been hanging on the walls had been piled on the floor and his computer was hanging out of the window. On the ceiling were thousands of coat hangers with the clothing still on them. In the middle of the wreckage sat Artemis. His pupils were each different sizes and his breathing was strange. He was wearing a tin foil hat that reminded Juliet of Foaly.  
  
Butler came into the room almost immediately after Juliet had. He looked just as shocked as she was. His first reaction was to pull the computer back from out of the window.  
  
"Uh, Artemis…" Juliet said slowly. "What's with all the stuff."  
  
Artemis jumped as he looked at the girl. His eyes twitched nervously. "They're watching me…" Butler picked up the now empty bottle of pain killers and sighed. "Who's watching you Artemis?"  
  
Artemis motioned for the two to lean in and he whispered, "the mushroom people."  
  
Juliet and Butler slowly backed from the room. Juliet took a deep breath and looked at her brother. "What was that all about?"  
  
"Don't ask…"  
  
Miles and miles away…  
  
"Oh no," said the king of the mushroom people. "He's onto us.


	2. REPENT!

Okay people, the disclaimer from the previous chapter still applies! I just want to let you know that this is the LAST chapter in this story. Thanks for the reviews, and keep on reviewing! Read, review, no flames!  
  
Thanks to DemonOfShadow, see, I'm not evil! Akire Chan, I hope you like the new chapter! The Oddbird, the mushrooms are after us all! ANeutralGirl, glad you like my works! Mr. Pippin A. Nozzers, I love your name! Blah, I know Arty is OOC, don't worry, I know. Thalia524, Glad you liked it!!! And Angela Dawne, keep up the awesome work.  
  
Back at Fowl Manor…  
  
"Butler," Juliet whispered as they sat outside the boy's door. "What was that in there?"  
  
Butler reached into his pocket and pulled out the empty painkiller bottle. "This was full when I left it in there this morning. He may be a genius when he's in perfect health, but when the immune system goes down apparently the I.Q. does too."  
  
"Think we need to check on him?" Juliet asked. Butler turned back and opened the bedroom door. There were the remnants of a broken cell phone lying on the floor and Artemis was standing amongst the wreckage holding a spear he had fashioned out of pieces of the cell phone and his nightstand.  
  
"The time for war is upon us!" He yelled as he pointed his finger at the two. "REPENT!!!"  
  
Butler closed the door to the room and turned to his sister. "Maybe this would be a good time to just close the door and walk away." Juliet nodded and turned to leave.  
  
"Aren't you coming, Dom?" She asked. Butler shook his head.  
  
"No, I'm going to go and try to get the valuables out of his room."  
  
Not Very Far Away…  
  
"Captain, why do we have to hunt the mortal down? No one believes that we are watching him." One of the mushroom soldiers whined. The captain turned and vaporized him.  
  
"We have to erase all knowledge of our kind from his memory banks! Now, does anyone else have any questions?" The mushroom people shook their heads and the captain nodded. "Good, now let's go."  
  
Back at Fowl Manor…  
  
Juliet and Butler were sitting on the downstairs couch listening to the crashes coming from upstairs. Juliet couldn't help but snicker. Butler was able to keep his composure a little better.  
  
"Remember Juliet," he would say. "This could become a life or death situation at the drop of a pin."  
  
And it almost had when the once boy genius tried to construct a parachute from his mattress and wires. It was lucky that the bush had broken the fall. Now, from the sounds of it, he was preparing more weapons for his "war" on the mushroom people.  
  
Suddenly the doorbell rang. Butler ran over to get it, just in case it was another rescue party. Instead he was greeted by a group of small men.  
  
"Get him, Stem." One shouted, and the next thing Butler could remember was hitting the floor, with no memories of the past day.  
  
A Few Hours Later…  
  
Artemis woke from his dazed sleep and looked at the wreckage of his room, with no memory of the past events that had taken place. All he could see was a broken phone and other bits of broken machinery lying around. He slowly pulled himself up from his bed and rubbed his head. He looked over and saw the empty bottle of pain killers.  
  
"Butler!" Shouted the boy. "What happened while I was asleep?" 


End file.
